Tag: self defense

RIDESHARE SAFETY FOR WOMEN RIDERS & DRIVERS

Is a female driver really better to have than a male driver? Do you feel safe as a female rider and/or driver? What can you do yourself to ensure your own safety? Are there tools to help reinforce our safety and are you using those tools?

My questions and suggestions are endless! This blog couldn’t possible contain them so I’ll be revisiting this subject matter over and over again from various viewpoints and perspectives. For the pass week or two the subject matter with riders is about the young college student in South Carolina horribly murdered by someone who she thought was her UBER driver. I will not be diving into the issue, but I must be clear to express that matter is least likely to happen to any of you. This lone individual that committed this heinous crime was an opportunist, a monster, on the prowl and took the opportunity to carry out his sick drive.

Some of you may know, but I have almost 14+ years in law enforcement serving in multiple capacities having dealt with all types of criminals as an officer. If there is anything I can say about most criminals it’ll have to be they often commit their crimes due to the individuals taking control of this situation. If you give them an inch they damn sure will take a mile and then some! Now ladies I will first have to help you get out of your mind that male rideshare drivers are creepers. Don’t carry around that notion. I know plenty of great male drivers that would never violate you. That also go for female rideshare drivers, do not fear being victimized sure some men will overstep their boundaries, but ultimately you have control and you must know how to own that control.

It is my goal to show both you women rideshare drivers and riders how to ensure your own safety. Today we are going to focus on two aspects of being able to do so and here they are.

  1. PRESENCE!
  2. VERBAL COMMANDS!

Ladies anytime I’ve been somewhat victimized it was on a micro level. No one has ever put their hands on me, but they have been pushy and in aggressive in their approach sexually. Often these men have had a bit too much to drink, but never was I not able to assert myself and speak up for myself to take control of the situation. Don’t just limit these suggestions to rideshare, but use it in your everyday dealings. I am not one to be easily offended, but I refuse to be disrespected. In this day not even passive aggression should be tolerated, nip it in the bud ASAP!

Presence, is a very powerful weaponry. In my years of law enforcement one thing was clear to of those that were victimized and that is they lacked presence, they had no situational awareness and was a bit to carefree. Predators look for this so that they have full advantage of taking advantage of you. As a female rider and driver, assert your presence, make eye contact always, speak clear, and don’t engage in conversation that is not professional. Sit straight up and always appear to be attentive. Head up, shoulders back, and get your face out of your cell phone. If you are a female rider pay attention to the navigation and don’t go to sleep in the car. Verbal Commands, speak up and assert your voice, not don’t be mean but be direct in your tone. If anyone tries to divert the conversation to a more sexual flirtatatous context, quickly assess the situation and avoid any form of response that will have them to think they can pursue the conversation further. Vocalize you’re not interested nor do you entertain such conversations. Be weary of those that overly compliment your beauty, features, clothing, etc. Always take control of the situation and be prepared to stand firm on your standards, establish firm boundaries and never allow them to be crossed by NO ONE! Some people will try to violate you and honestly believe they did nothing wrong because you chose to avoid speaking up for yourself. They will literally say “well they never said nothing”.

One time I had a CoCa-Cola executive who had been drinking get way outta line. It was a long trip from like Atlanta to Duluth on a Thursday night or so. At first I took his advances as typical drunk guy talk and I casually dismissed it. He then leads into suggesting sex for pay and how he’s willing to tip me greatly ($200-$300 bucks whatever I like) for “extra service”. I kept acting dumb because I literally wanted him to make clear of what he was asking. Once tired of his shit I quickly took control of the situation and began reading his ass his last rights so to speak. I advised him of the rules and how someone especially of his caliber should not be doing this. The irony is his wife called in the middle of all this! I told him I’d have to stop the trip if he continued. His drunk ass for the last 10 minutes of the ride of so kept apologizing, he then realized I wasn’t some dumb little girl looking to trick off to make some extra cash. I think some of these jerks think we are desperate for money and willing to do anything so they passively try to take advantage of those in rideshare. He clearly grew fearful of me opening my mouth, I even think he used the CoCa-Cola corporate account so surely he didn’t want this to get back to them. He asked me to drop him off down the street from his house (guess he forgot the address is in the app), so I did so, rated him a 1 and left clear notes on the rider in the app.

When I ruminate on the incident I know where I messed up, I allowed his conversation to go to far assuming he’s drunk, he’ll pass out, he don’t know what he’s saying when in fact he was fully conscious of his actions! I was a bit to friendly and should’ve addressed the matter ASAP! I felt dirty and as if I knew better, I wanted to rip that dudes face off after thinking about it more. I grew angry at myself for underestimating him and being to passive in my approach. Sometimes it’s the mental aftermath that is damaging causing you to question yourself over and over again, so don’t let that be you! Take control, have a firm presence, meaning be in the moment and fully aware, and vocalize anything you do not like or agree with regardless of the consequences!

YOU MUST BE YOUR OWN PRIORITY: PROTECT YOURSELF WOMEN DRIVERS OF UBER & LYFT

I am not going to hold back on this, I don’t care about your views on guns and non-violence, I don’t care that you think it is the job of the employer to protect you against predators; what I care about is you always being prepared for the worse case scenario in any event whether at work or not. Understand that bad things happen, there are evil doers in this world, and these evil beings are opportunists. What you are to do is minimize the opportunities for these bastards to victimize you. You want to make them think twice about trying you!

At the end of the day ladies you want to be the one going home. The rideshare gig in my opinion is not for fair hearted weaklings, you gotta have some balls to be willing to use your personal vehicle (POV), pick-up strangers in sometimes the most conspicuous places, drive them to an unknown location however far away at all times of the day. If you are reading/watching this to consider doing rideshare and you’re easily fearful this may not be the gig for you and that is alright, but for those of us that are using these various gig type jobs as leverage to building our brands and companies to fund our dreams I encourage you to watch my vlog. My YouTube channel is CEO DRIVEHER, and continue reading this blog.

Now, here is my disclaimer please read all rideshare and gig job rules and requirements and abide by them on all platforms you use, but also learn and know your city and state’s laws that justify actions taken by you if ever in a position you must protect yourself. I am not suggesting violating any of these platforms rules but there are some gray areas you can use to your advantage. I have a law enforcement background of almost 15 years, I am certified through the state of Georgia in a number of areas and having hundreds of hours of training in self-defense, criminal studies, firearms, etc. I started out driving primarily working late nights sometimes till 4am which are seemingly high risk hours picking up and dropping off in some “risky / questionable” areas. My fear factor is not high and I believe I’ve minimized the chances of me being victimized is due to my background and being able to do some of the things I am about to share. But let us first discuss what you are not to do under any circumstance:

  1. Don’t go Rogue: never do cash rides never never never do it, at least the app serves as some form of accountability. If a rider suggest you taking cash instead of using the app be prepared to deal with the consequences.
  2. Don’t give Personal data: unless you are certain that the connect is legit and you can vet the person, just don’t do it. I’ve had many men call me through the app after a trip or try to contact me for dates which is just creepy.
  3. Don’t be a Sucker: some folks are just gullible and naive, don’t believe them no matter what they offer you, I’ve had men offer hundreds of dollars to hang out or come up to their place for drinks and small talk (again creepy). The attention and flattery can be alluring, but don’t give in to it, always remain professional and professionally declining their offers.

So I am going to litely to go over what I outlined in my YouTube vlog as some things I strongly suggest you do to ensure you are protected and confident enough whether in rideshare or any other place of work to take control of a matter that may be a threat to you. As a jailer for many years serving in various positions and ranks as an officer I studied “criminals” from afar. I watched how they preyed on others, I listened to their phone calls, I’ve read and studied police reports of how some of these criminals viciously carried out their crimes, particularly crimes against women. My father who is currently a high ranking officer serving as a Captain over criminal investigations always insisted since as a little girl that I protect myself and always be aware of my surroundings (known as situational awareness). As times get worse in the world I become more and more cognizant of always being on guard. Listed below are some of my suggestions to minimize being a victim.

  1. Set the tone and be able to vocalize your contention in a matter you’re not comfortable with. Instincts are everything, don’t doubt your gut. It’s okay to be frightened and have fear, fear is simply a gauge that allows you to calibrate and make a judgement call in a situation. Instincts can save your life, stop sparing people’s feeling and be upfront if you disagree with something like allowing the passenger to sit in the front seat, or making you drive in unfamiliar area that is not on the navigation, or sexual advances; speak up!
  2. Eye contact allows entry into the soul; vet the individuals and drop off location. Make strong eye contact, it is a proven that it can ward off predators, they don’t want the nightmare and constant reflection of themselves in your eyes. Criminals don’t like eye contact plus they don’t want you to be able to identify them if need be. I force strong eye contact for a few seconds and while confirming the drop off location again I make eye contact.
  3. Toughen up mama! Don’t be passive aggressive! Set strong boundaries for yourself. As a life-coach I pride myself on teaching this, if I may I want to encourage you to literally write down your boundaries that you don’t want violated and repeat them to yourself daily. This will allow you to stay true to them and not compromise. Your body, your space, your car, your rules!
  4. Your body and and spirit’s disposition is key. Have a strong presence and voice. Don’t be timid in your speech, be confident. You can be personable and nice yet assertive. This includes how you’re dressed and how well you’ve maintained your vehicle; if you look and feel respectable most people will honor that in return and as we say in the streets “they won’t try you!”.
  5. Part-take in some form of self-defense on a weekly basis and workout. This will build your confidence and prepare you for those moments of if and when you’re in flight or fright mode. I also suggest carrying a weapon of some form (I will discuss this more in detail in another blog, but as a disclaimer please follow the guidelines in regards to weapons of whichever rideshare platform you’re using.) A weapon can be anything *side smirk* if you know how to use it to save your life! I still suggest firearms training reason being is firearms are not just learning how to accurately shoot on target, but how to possibly disarm an individual or if they drop their weapon how you can use it against them, etc. It is highly informative and can allow you to react quickly in the unfortunate event a firearm is pulled out on. I also suggest training on the use of knives, but some self-defense classes incorporate this being rape predators tend to arm themselves with them.

Whelp I hope I haven’t scared you off and you see my position. As a driver for the most part I feel safe and I haven’t had a lot of incidents reason being I possess various skills that I feel grants some securities. Should these platforms do a better job at vetting riders? Yes. Should these platforms how riders accountable for inappropriate actions towards drivers? Yes. Should the bare the responsibility of protecting drivers? Damn right, but they just aren’t. So in the interim and as legislation forces their hand in various matters you must bare the responsibility yourself ladies or just opt out from this type of gig.